Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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