i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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