dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
