I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
