Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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