Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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