I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
