The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
