pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
