Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
