Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
