so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
