even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
