If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
