I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
