I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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