the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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