I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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