You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
