do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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