Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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