best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
