He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
