i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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