also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
