you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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