i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
