Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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