I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
