Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
