you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
