Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
