I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
