great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
