She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
