Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
