she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
