I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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