I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
