Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
