Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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