i need an iv and a liver transplant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
worst night to have a conscience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
