It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
