lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
