Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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