she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
