i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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