I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
