the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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