I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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