i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
