The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
